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Dear Diary,There's so much to remember. Today...it was so hard. I felt like crying most of it.
"Good job." I smiled, as Gabrielle murmured butchered words. I was teaching her more words. After her heartbreaking first words, we decided to help her expand her vocabulary.
"Wuve oo Mommy." She giggled. "Wuve oo Daddy.""She said Daddy!" Francois beamed, walking into the nursery. "Tiffani. It's time."
"I-I-it's time?" I felt the tears coming. The funeral. "I just need to change Gabrielle."
At the funeral, the whole family came. Cassie, Jamie, Alex, Evelyn, the whole clan of kids. they spoke about the couple; how committed they where to each other, how much they love everyone, their generosity, and love of life. Everyone slowly went their own ways, until it was just Gabrielle, Francois, and I.
The funeral...it was the hardest part of loss. Sometimes, it isn't death that makes it so bad. You've accepted everything, then suddenly you have to look in the casket. Everyone has a speech, and they make you realize what you lost.
"She-she's gone." I cried. I was taking the loss of my Mother, who raised me despite my true father's betrayal. Harry was more like a Father then I'd ever had. And now they where both gone. Francois was at a loss for words. Fourteen years ago, I met him. He knew my parents for almost as long. It was just as personal for him; considering that the only family he had was mine.
"Tiffani." He hugged me, picking Gabrielle who was toddling around the graveyard, exploring. She was a silent child; respectful during the ceremony, not even letting out a cry. Of course, her little brain didn't know what was happening. She didn't know the horrors of death. How we roam the Earth for so long, then suddenly we're gone. We don't get another though; another breath. We're gone.
"You-ou know what Aly-lyce said?" Alyce. The first time I ever called my Mother by her first name. "That Gabrielle was so quiet because she was saving all her talking for when she was older. That when she was three, she'd really open up. I can't-t, how, ho-ow-w can I-?"
"Tiffani. We'll get through this. Together." He looked me in the eye. "I love you. I know that. We have each other and Gabrielle. We have to be strong for her. We don't have to forget, but we have to make it through."
Francois was so comforting during the whole thing. I was a weeping mess. Damn, I love him. Words can't describe. Losing Mom-Alyce, hurt. Harry....I feel odd. He was part of my life, but he wasn't. He was there, but he was never part of the family. He was more like a father then my dead biological one, but....Mom told me. About Johnny. He knocked up some wreck...she lost the babies. Dumped him and pursed her acting career in Bridgeport. Love...I feel lost without it....or I would...I don't know what it feels like. I've never had to.
"Fr-rancois?" I took his hand and we began to walking to the car, with him carrying Gabrielle.
"Oui, ma chérie?"
"Can-n we have the wedding soon? This made me realize-Francois. Life is too short. I don't want to wait."
"Of course. We can have whenever you like."
"And a party? A big wedding party...I'd like to have a reunion without death being the reason."
"Sure. We can buy you a dress-"
"And you a tuxedo."
"And me a tuxedo and Gabrielle a little dress."
"We can invite Cassie and Jamie's family and Alex and Evelyn and their boys-"
"The backyard...we can have it in the backyard."
Diary, I'm getting married! There's just one tiny bump (literally!). I'm visiting a doctor tomorrow. I'll write then....
~Tiffani
Dear Diary (Eight Months Later.....),
It was my wedding today. Eight months ago, two after Mom's death, we'd decided to hold the wedding. I rubbed my bulging stomach. I was pregnant; we found out right after the funeral. I glanced at the surroundings; at the backyard. In the Mom's Will, she gave us money to pay for the wedding. We had decided on something simple, and quiet instead of an elaborate ceremony that Alyce had willingly gave us money for. With only my brother's families there, I shouldn't be nervous. But I was.The music began playing: Here comes the bride, here comes the- I stopped. Something was coming and it wasn't the bride. My water had just broken all over the aisle, and my dress.
"Tiff? Tiff!" Cassie whispered, gesturing for me to walk forwards. I was frozen.
"Tiffani?" Francois rushed over to me. "Tiffani?"
"Francois." I whispered. "We can't continue the wedding."
"What-"
"Baby. On it's way." I said through clenched teeth. I loved this man to death, but sometimes he could be so clueless. Especially for a doctor.
"She's in labor?!" Evelyn paled. Everyone started going insane.
"Quick-car-now." Francois helped me walk to the convertible. "Well." I sighed, "My dress is ruined." I pretended to act disappointed, but in truth I was glad. I loathed my dress. There was only one style of maternity wedding dresses at all the boutiques I visited, it was the same style my Mother had worn. I originally bought an adorable dress, but after my tummy had blown up like a balloon, it didn't fit. I suppose I'd get to wear it, now.
We rushed into the hospital, or in my case waddled while Francois helped me and carried my overnight bag. Everything was a blur, as I was rushed into a hospital room. I closed my eyes, breathing hard. Exactly two minutes after I had been prepped and in a room, I squeezed out baby number two.
"Miss. Janes, Mr. Bonaparle." The doctor said, smiling. "Congratulations, it's a girl."
"What would you like to name her?"
"Antoinette." Francois and I said, unified.
Antoinette, or Anna, as Gabrielle called her, was a little Daddy's girl. If she woke up in the morning, crying, it wasn't Mommy who could make everything better, it was Daddy. Francois continued to do better and better at his job, my novel's royalties became much higher, I earned my Fine Arts degree, we finished remodeling the house; the emptiness Harry and Alyce had left was finally being filled again. Time flew by; before I knew it, Antoinette was turning two years old and Gabrielle was going to turn five; she'd start school soon.
My girls grew up so fast. I know it's a cliche, but it feels like just yesterday I was meeting Francois, much less engaged with children.
"Francois." I hugged him, standing in the backyard.
"What, love?"
"Our babies are growing up. And I'm growing old." I sighed.
"Thirty-five isn't old." He laughed. "Try being thirty-eight."
"Still handsome as ever." I kissed him.
"And you're just as gorgeous."
"Mama!" Gabrielle rushed outside, her pigtails bouncing.
"What, sweetie?"
"Antoinette." She took a deep breath. "Antoinette just said her first word!"
"Was it Mommy? Tell me it was Mommy." I smiled with delight, as Francois said, "It was Papa. It was Papa, wasn't it?"
"No, Papa." She giggled, as adorable five year old's do. "It was sissa! She said sister!"
Francois picked up Gabrielle and swirled around. I smiled.
"Bur, it's chilly." The sun had begun setting, and the cool temperatures had set in.
"Come on, let's go in." Francois said. My life...it is so perfect. I feel ashamed for thinking it, but I feel like it is.
The madly in love,
Tiffani
Dear Diary (One year later...),
I don't know why I decided to write again. One year, Eight months ago....I haven't written since I was a little girl, living in the cabin with my brothers and Mum. So much has changed. Mom and Harry, her second-husband, are no longer with us. Alex and Jamie both have their own family, Cassie, my best friend, got knocked up in high school and ended up marrying Jamie because of the baby. I haven't seen them in awhile. Alex is happily married to his high school sweetheart, Evelyn. They have twin sons.
As for my, diary, I've lucked out. I have an adorable six year old named Gabrielle, and a three year old named Antoinette. Not to forget my gorgeous fiance, Francois. I think I have a few pictures of Gabrielle as a toddler and child, and Antoinette as a toddler.
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| A three year old Gabrielle. |
Antoinette is a doll. She's as sweet as can be and is a little Daddy's girl. And Francois-he's amazing and sweet. He wears this goofy little hat that I love and is French and looks like a model. And I'm marrying him! Soon. We tried, two years ago, but I ended up going into labor! That's a whole different story. Diary, my life is amazing. I don't want to sound braggy, but it is! Oh, Antoinette is crying. I better go see what's wrong.
xoxo,
Tiffani
It's nice that she wrote in her diary again. I am glad she likes her life now. The wedding... again, this time she can wear a non maternity dress! Yay! LOL.
ReplyDeleteIt is. =) It's been though, but Tiff's come to terms with everything. And yes, she'll get to wear her dream dress at her (future) wedding now, lol. =D
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