10.10: The Day After

   "He proposed to my mom with paintings... She always loved art, I remember, as a child, she'd paint these landscapes to hang in clients' offices, living rooms, they owned an interior design firm together." He nodded solemnly, sitting next to me, listening to stories I had told him when we'd dated nine years ago... Nine years ago I'd been a naive teenager, excited about the world, eager to explore, eager to time travel. Now, I only had an intense sentiment towards time travel. I needed to, wanted to. Daddy supported me, knew I could, I was obliged to, I simply must.
   He'd driven straight six hours for me, as I cried, mourned, and rambled on in the rental car, a cherry red, eco-friendly hybrid. The rain had ceased twenty minutes into the driving. I'd dozed off to the soft jazz on the radio, waking up every so often to see him humming, staring at the road. I wanted to ask him about his past, about his present, but hadn't mustered up the courage to. I didn't want to have to move forward, I wanted to stay in the blissful ignorance, for I was surrounded by solemn pain, this was serene; I could pretend we were teenagers, on that road trip of self discovery everyone says they'll take the summer after they graduate.
   "I'm sorry."
   "Why?" He asked, looking into my eyes, perplexed.
   "For being a naive teenager who only cared about her geeky passions and didn't bother getting to know you. For, after having not seen you in years, asking you drive me to my row house. For not offering you a beverage when we walked into here. For not asking you how you were. I haven't offered you breakfast, you had to sleep on the sofa... You probably had a hotel booked and it was probably nonrefundable... I'm sorry."
   "Ryelynn, don't apologize. We were teenagers; I... Mistakes we made then don't matter now. And you're grieving, don't feel obligated to play hostess, if I hadn't been willing to drive you wherever you needed to go, I wouldn't have offered to take you anywhere."
   "Are you hungry? I asked, standing up. When we'd arrived here, I'd collapsed in tears on my bed, lulling myself into a dreamless sleep, a dreamless escape, he'd covered me up with a quilt, removed my shoes, then settled onto the sofa in the living room. It was the day after the funeral, I was unraveled, sitting next to the man in wrinkled clothes who I use to love, the man who didn't question anything when I said I lived in San Fransisco.
   "Don't worry about what I need, what do you need?"

   "To be held..." I said, sitting down, moving closer to him, as he wrapped his arm around me, kissing the top of my head. "Do you think, when I'm old and wrinkled, I'll have a spouse who loves me like mother loves daddy? Do you think people will cry at my funeral?"
   "Ryelynn..."
   "I know it's morbid, I just... I don't have friends, I made some in college, but we parted ways, I've had boyfriends, really more flings, I felt confident, self assured, but now, I'm pondering everything..."
   "I don't know what to tell you, other than... I know that your siblings will be in tears, that your nieces and nephews will be, that your colleagues will be. I know I'll be weeping, heart broken. I don't think I want to live in a world where I know Ryelynn Janes isn't around."
   "You... You don't? You'd be heart broken?"
   "You have this passion, this insanity, this intelligence... You're indescriabalbe and Rye, the world will weep when you're gone and if they don't realize how magnificent you are, well I'll be weeping for them."
   "How-w... How do I reply?" He was the magnificent one, he was the insanely intelligent one, he was the one the world would weep for. Silence filled the room, as we rest in each others arms, savoring the peace.
   "I live in New Jersey." He simply uttered, at the say time I said:
   "Do you believe love can lay dormant, you not knowing it's there and then one day, it reappears?" I bit my lip, my cheeks flushed. "Like herpes?" I quickly added, hoping to spoil the moment, for we clearly weren't having a romcom incident, old acquaintances, that's what we are.
   "Well, I suppose. I'm no loved expert, though I'm also no herpes expert, but I believe it can. I believe love is what we want it to be."
   "I know what I want it to be."
   "Your grief is speaking."

   "Is it?" I asked, titling my head, moving closer to him, my lips touching his, as the pain and grief melded into passion, forgiveness, making up lost time with each kiss. "And here I thought it was kissing."
  "You-" RING! RING! His phone began ringing, interrupting. "Unknown number." He said, answering it. "Hello, Vance Kap- Chester, hi. Yes, she's with me. She's fine. Okay, I- I'm sorry, she was- okay. Yes, here she is." He handed me the phone, shrugging.
   "What the hell, Ryelynn?"

   "Hello Chester, great greeting you've got there." I said, sarcastically, standing up, pacing around the living room.
   "You can't just leave, not telling anyone! We were scared you were going to do something reckless, we were ready to call the police, report you as missing."
   "I'm fine. I'm sorry, I just had to get away... I'm at home."
   "Rye, I'm sorry, I just... Mom, Rem, Had are all worried and Felix and I are pissed. If Zander hadn't realized Vance was gone and given me his number, we wouldn't have known how to contact you, we found your phone at the funeral home... Please, just, I don't know."
   "I didn't mean to worry you, I just... I had to get away... Vance, being wonderful...  Hey, I'll call you back, okay?"
   "Rye, wait I-" I hung up, tossing the phone onto the coffee table.
   "You shouldn't have hung up; he's your brother, he's just concerned."
   "I love you." I stood in front of him, I was going to say 'I suppose I could call him back', but instead I professed my love to him. Well, then...
   "Pardon?"
   "I love you. I don't care if it's unrequited, well I do, but I just wanted to say that. I've gotten over you, now I've regressed; I'm into you. Don't say my grief's talking, please, just..."
   "Do this?" He asked, standing up, placing his hands on my hips, lifting me into the air. "You do not know how many nights I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what would have happened if I hadn't broken up with you."

   "I love you... My life's insane; what's happening?" I asked, smiling, shaking my head.
   "I was going to go with us professing our mutual love for one another, though, I mean it seems kind of like an emotionally charged, crass time... I suppose that's we're... No idea."
   "Are we getting back together?"
   "I don't know." He said, putting me back onto the ground. "I really don't know, I mean either that or we're going to, pardon the crudeness, hookup, maybe you'll have a breakdown about your father, I'll comfort you..."
   "We're a bad romcom in the making, from the dramatic reunion to the me thinking that... Damn are we a stereotype? Two high educated people who just can't catch a break when it comes to love."
   "Speaking of love, the Guild's got another season up on Netflix."
   "Finally; I hate watching three minute clips, it gives me anxiety wondering what'll happen to them. I'll make popcorn."
   And with that, we ignored the outside world, ignored the past, ignored the grief, ignored the logically sequence of events, ignored whatever this was, while eating microwave popcorn, curled up in each others arms and fuzzy Matt Smith plush blankets, watching Codex talk to her camera, her video diary.