7.5: Wake Up, It's Awkward

NOTE: You know the drill, if you're easily offended please read with caution

   Here's thing about afterthoughts. You don't have them until after whatever has happened has already happened and there's no possible way to reverse it, without altering the timeline. Even when you have them, or say something as the result of one, people know that it wasn't what you were thinking or doing, your mind just happened to drift there. There's no reversing it. I don't want to reverse the morning and make sure that the night never happens, I just sure as hell wish that the morning didn't exist and I didn't have to deal with everything. That would be the afterthought.

  "Ughh..mh..." Rosie mumbled, as I slept on, leaning against her. The many joys of having a rather scandalous night is you get to spoon afterwards. "What's...my back hurts..." She sat up, wondering who was still snoring. It, of course, was me, not a ghost. Her room wasn't haunted by anything other than her own thoughts. "Hazel! Oh..." She began thinking about last night, as she poked and prodded me to awaken.
    "Rosie...stop..." I groaned, wanting to sleep in. "Vacation..."
    "Hazel, please."
    "Ugh...fine." I sat up, suddenly aware that I was in her bed and last right wasn't an insane sex dream. Wonderful. "I'm...I'm... did we? We did..."
     "We should talk."
     "We have to."  I said, propping myself up with my elbows as I rolled out of bed.

      "Sorry for waking you."
      "No problem, it was your bed, after all."  I shrugged, trying to lift the heavy mood and replace it with a lighter, carefree one. "Sorry, this just..."
      "Yeah." She nodded. "At least we both have PJs that are cute."
      "At least I'm wearing something." I laughed. "Imagine how much more awkward this would be if I was naked."
      "If you take how awkward you just made it, add ten, divide by three, and add point nine seven every time you take a breath and subtract that from a hundred thousand billion, I'm guessing it would be a number in that range."
     "Didn't know that you were a math nerd."
     "I'm not, I just bothered to show up to class in middle school."
     "Hey, I was busy saving the planet and that one breed of rare birds you've never heard of."
     "I know, I'm kidding." She smiled as she readjusted her top.
     "It's getting hot in here..."
     "Yeah." I glanced at  her as she glanced at me. Neither of us were wearing much clothing, so it was rather humorous to think that we'd comment of the temperature being too high.
     "Want to go out to the balcony to chat?"
     "Yeah, good idea." I said, as I followed her to the outdoors.

   "So...we did that."
   "We did."
   "Thank goodness I didn't drink more... I probably wouldn't remember enough to talk about it."
   "I can't help but think that it would make things a little easier."
   "Don't you feel terrible?"
   "Yes." I confessed. I did. I always liked her, I still did, but I didn't think things would begin this way. You wouldn't place blame on either one of us; we were both at fault and I'd admit it. "I'm sorry..."
    "Don't apologize to me. I feel horrible, but it was good. Gosh. Hazel, we're good friends. Really good friends. I don't need an apology, but Gwen does. How will I tell her?"
    "I could..." I didn't wan to, but for her I would make the sacrifice of telling my roommate's girlfriend that we slept together. "Hey, at least we're not straight. Imagine if you, or I, was like, a guy... one of us could end up pregnant. That conversation would be even worse then the one you or I'll have with her."
    "Ya know, I probably should talk with her so you don't bring that up."
    "Probably. I swear, though... look, I'm... I con't know how to handle this. Rosie, I've never been part of a cheating whatever the hell this is before. I'm using poorly spoken humor to cope, okay?"

     "I understand it's tough for you, but dammit I cheated on my girlfriend who thought I shouldn't room with you  because I'd cheat on her and I did! I proved her right! I called her a bastard that night, but look at me." She looked down at her feet, as I wished I could help her.
   "I'm sorry... I want to fix this for you, I really do." Regret is a feeling you'll never forget. I regretted hurting Rosie, I regretted not being able to fix everything.

   "It," She began sniffling. "Our relationship was going to end, anyway. we were on a roller coaster that only headed down, this was just the extra pull of gravity we needed to crash down."
   "I'm sorry."
   "Stop apologizing. Please."
   "I apologize because I have nothing else to say. I want you to know I care and I want you o know that I want to fix it, but how to I tell you that? How do I tell you? I don't know, so I apologize."
   "You don't have anything to say? Neither do I. Look at me, I'm crumbling."
   "Aren't we all?"
   "I don't know. Stop! I need stuff to make sense again. Please, make it make sense. I slept with you, but I have a girlfriend. I'm a cheater. I obviously have feeling for you, but I don't know what those feelings are. What are they hiding as? Just make sense to me."
   "I like you."
   "That doesn't make sense."
   "I know...when the hell does liking someone ever make sense?"
   "Stop yelling!"
   "I'm not."
   "Well... I should stop yelling."
   "If you want. Whatever you want."
   "Didn't want to cheat... didn't mean I didn't want you, I just didn't want to cheat."
   "We both wanted each other at that one moment. Rosie, I still want you."

   "No, Hazel, no." Se backed away, bringing her arms to her face. "You can't." I knew I couldn't. I knew Rosie was a forbidden fruit, but you always want something more when it is forbidden, don't you?
   "I'm sorry. I felt like I should be honest. get all the feeling on the table."
   "I said no apologizing..."
   "You either get me apologizing or saying the ugly truth or using attempted jokes tat fail."
   "I want all of that. All of you, but I can't. You don't understand."
   "Neither do you. I feel like crap. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. And I did by getting closer to you. Rosie, last night was great, but the aftermath is catastrophic."

   "It has to be. If it was any other way, it wouldn't be us."
   "Is there an us?"
   "Who knows? There's a me and a you and if you put it together, somehow you lose a bunch of letters and get a U and a S."
    "Spelling and love didn't both coordinating."
    "Nothing does... I've decided though. I know what to do."
    "What?"
    "It's cowardly."
    "I don't care."
    "I'm going to tour France for the next few months. Go on a wine extravaganza."
    "What about Gwen?"
    "I have to tell her the truth. I'll call her, tell her I did something and I can either pay to fly her out here or tell her on the phone. I'm running low on money, but I can't go back yet."
    "Will you break up?"
    "I don't think she'll take me back. I don't think I want her to."

    "You don't want her to?" I asked, my eyes shining. Rosie didn't want Gwen to take her back. That means... maybe, maybe she'd consider me. I wouldn't push her, we'd have our months apart, but maybe, just maybe.
   "Look, I need a break. Time alone."
   "So do I... in Washington, though."
   "I'm going to get ready and shower... I think I'll begin my wine tour tonight."
   "I'm going to go look for cheesy souvenirs so that way maybe we can have one second during this morning that isn't awkward."
   "Knock, knock."
   "Huh?"
   "I just thought of something I did with my parents. I'd go to their bedroom and knock on their door and say knock, knock."
   "Aww, you must have been an adorable kid."
   "You probably were too."
   "Who's there?"
   "Huh?"
   "Your knock, knock joke."
   "Oh! Duh. Wake up."
   "Wake up who?"
   "Wake up, it's Rosie... only this time I think it would be wake up, it's awkward."
   "Defiantly." I laughed. "I"m going to go get dressed. Ya know, shoppers general appreciate that."
   "Yeah, generally." I opened the door, stepping inside her room. I gathered up my clothing and quickly walked, or ran, depending on who you asked, to my room. I got dressed, applied a generous amount of makeup to hide how little I slept because I was with Rosie doing things we weren't going to talk about anymore. I began my journey to a cute boutique, casually strolling through the streets of suburban Paris. I stepped into the gift shop and was greeted by a plump lady who, like most in France, spoke French.

  "I'm looking for a sorry your girlfriend cheated on you with me gift. Any ideas?"
  "Français! Parler français, s'il vous plaît. Mais, vous avez besoin d'un cadeau d'excuses?"
  "Stupide américain. Anglais, s'il vous plaît." I said, sighing. If I learned one thing from my trip, other than cheating is messy, it was how to say 'Stupid American. English, please.'
   "You need an apology gift, oui?"
   "Oui. Something nice, ya know?"
   "You cheat, how do I know? I do not cheat."
   "Didn't say you did."
   "The implications, though."
   "It seems like I have a horrible habit of offending the French... this really isn't my country."
   "We can tell."
   "I probably should head back to the bed and breakfast..." I sighed, turning to go.
   "You need romance advice, oui?" A petite, blonde teenager turned towards me, smiling.
   "Oui." I said, not expecting real advice. Teenagers were teenagers, after all.

   "Here iz what you do. You do not force zee love. The love is from zee heart, oui? Oui. You cannot force zee heart. You wait and if the heart lets you love, you love. If the heart does not let zee love out, you are not for them. If zay have a foolish heart, zay are, how you say? The heart does what the brain iz not ready to do. The brain not ready for them to love again, but zay say nothing? Zee heart, their heart, that iz what tells you. You wait for the heart."
   "You wait for the heart... thank you. Does everyone stop and give you love advice here in Paris?"
   "Oh, no!" She laughed. "Zee world is scarted of zee heart, because we cannot do our tests on it. I bring clarity, oui. I help zee lost hearts and lost tourists. Mostly tourist, see France, we get lots. Oui, lots."
   "Oh... well, thank you."
   "You are welcome. Remember, wait. Wait and the hearts tell you."
   "Wait and the heart tells you..." I whispered, as I walked away. Rosie's brain was a mess, as was mine, but maybe our hearts would find each other. There was no way to tell, other than to let our hearts take their time...