9.8: Breakdowns and Hookups

   I felt a little dazzled about the conversation I'd had with Delilah. Was I coming home for winter break? I was planning on; wasn't that what students usually did? I just needed to swallow my birth control pill, then I'd be off to Asher's dorm. I opened the door, glancing around the dorm curiously; the lights were off and someone was sniffling.

   "Luna?" I asked, cautiously what was going on; she wasn't one to sit in the dark blasting music through her earbuds, ignoring the world.

   "No... Don't." I heard her voice from behind the clothes rack. I flipped on the light, walking around the rack to see her sitting in the worn carpeting, streaks of mascara and eyeliner etched across her cheeks. Had she been crying?

   "What happened?"

   "No-nothing."

   "That's a lie." I snorted, hoping I didn't sound insensitive. I could tell something dragged her through her version of hell and back, saying nothing was just avoiding the issue. "C'mon. I'm not trying to be your friend, I'm being nice, so if you're worried about-"

  "Dammit! I have no friends, way to rub it in." She screamed, burying her face in her hands as she started bawling.

   "I, uh, sorry?' I wanted to help her with whatever she was going through, but at the same time she'd never extended the same courtesy and it was difficult to sympathize with her.

   "Oh... No you aren't. I'm a bitch." What had happened to her? Did some epiphany occur and she just hadn't bothered tweeting, instagraming, or snap chatting it?

   "What happened?"

   "No-nothing."

   "You're curled up on the floor bawling. That is not nothing."

   "I… we only have two days until winter break begins. Oh my gods."

   "What-?"

   "Let me explain!" She snapped, standing up. "Er, sorry. I suck at this whole nice thing."

   "You're telling me."

   "Dammit, stop! Look, everyone hates me."

   "No, no they don't."

   "Yes they freaking do."

   "Why?" I sighed, trying to fake interest. I'd reached out to her many times; she'd never returned the favor, yet suddenly when she needed me, she was okay with my presence. Besides, he was waiting for me and after a stressful week of studying, I needed him and our.... They weren't dates and the name hookup sessions, even if that what they were, didn't sound appealing. Either way, I was horny and she was falling apart.

   "I'm... Don't judge me. Please?" She didn't wait for a reply. "I... I told my dad and he said I'd brought dishonor to the family name, that no one would marry me, that he wasn't going to keep funding my college life if that's what I was doing. And no money meant my sorority friends, or at least I mean I thought they were friends, are all bitches who don't care. They called me a slut, said that's what happens to rich girls who aren't pretty enough, pretty like them, that can convince civil, classy gentleman to be tricked into a marriage."

   "What did you do?"

   "I... I went to a party. Halloween night, it was at a frat, my sorority girls were dressing up as sexy, slutty police department workers, you know cop, robber, secretary, detective. I got really drunk and saw a guy who was dressed up like a construction worker. I don't remember what he looked like, other than the fact that he was mega tanned and had stone abs. I flirted with him a bit, we was chugging beers like nobody's business. I was a cop so I said I needed to arrest him for being too sexy, he smirked and then told me he thought I was hot and wanted to see what was under the uniform and said we could go to one of the community bathrooms, hookup in the shower. And... I mean, we did. I know that we used my handcuffs, but after the scene with the handcuffing and him asking if I was on the pill, I just remember sweatiness and tequila and pumpkin spice Advil."

   "Okay... So, so are... What happened next?"

   "I'm... I checked, I peed on a stick, and I'm, I hate saying it. You know."

   "Pregnant?"

   "Yeah... I wasn't sure if you'd get it. I mean you scream virgin. I don't know what I'll do. I don't remember the guy, my dad cut me off, my friends told me I should have swallowed a Plan B or went to the stock broker's lounge if I banged a man, at least if this had happened to him he'd probably be respectful enough to propose and I'd have money again."

   "What are you going to do?" I said, blushing from her comment; if only she knew what I was going to be doing a bit from now. "I mean, you didn't do this on your own, you need someone to help you; you shouldn't go through it on your own."

   "I... I'm a pre-med major, apparently. I went to class yesterday and we had to do this hint about ethics and lawsuits, you know abortion, doctor assisted suicide. It made me think."

   "That's a-" I cut myself off before I could say first. "Good thing."

   "Yeah. I don't know how I'll pay for next semester."

   "A job?"

   "But if I keep this... This thing. Fetus, I couldn't for long."

   "Luna, I can't tell you what to do. It's your choice; think about it, is there anyone you can talk with? Anyone at all?" I stood up, feeling horrid for her, yet anxious to get to Asher.

   "No. My mom's mega anti-adoption, anti-contraceptive, anti-premarital hookups. She's sided with my dad. I screwed up, now I'm worthless."

   "You're not worthless."

   "But nobody wants me. I thought I was just agreeing for a fun night, not a lifelong commitment, but now..."

   "Sleep on it. Maybe visit the frat or try finding the father. He could support you, maybe help you figure out what's best for you."

   "Best for me?"

   "It's your life." I shrugged. "Do what you want. You have all of winter break, then... Well you'll reach the half way point and things might get a bit, ehem illegal, if you know what I'm saying."

   "I... I'm worn out, Phoebe. I don't know. I just don't know. Is this karma? Why the hell would karma punish a kid by making it me it's mom?"

   "You're not a bad person, you just aren't someone who's kind to people and you don't make the best choices about how to treat others."

  "I'm selfish. I know. God, I expect pity, but... I think I'm going to take a nap, is that alright?"

  "You're asking me- um, yeah. I just was leaving. Sleep tight." I smiled, slowly backing away.

  "Thank you." I heard her whisper, just as I was about to shut the door. 

___________________

    "Don't stop." I moaned, as he nibbled at my ear, pulling at my bra strap as my hands gripped his firm shoulders. My back was pressed against the wall, mule gas were wrapped around his waist. I wanted him, I was stressed about school, I'd be going home soon and I couldn't bare to admit to Delilah that I had a D in mathematics, I needed this physical exertion in order to allow my stress to melt away as we molded together.

   "Say it again." He said in a low, husky voice that drove me insane.

   "Don't stop... Oh! You're stopping... Don't. Don't." His lips had moved south, the last scrap of fabric separating my bare chest from his vision had been tossed aside, now his delicate lips were tickling me, kissing, a sensation I'd never felt before. 

   "My bunk, the student union's couch, your bunk, your desk, your dorm hall's hot tub, the dollar theatre, my van, the floor. the gym shower." He said, naming all the places we'd been a bit... Frisky? Frisky at. "Number ten: the wall."

   "Do it, keep doing it!"I exclaimed, not caring for the sentiment he was going for. Normal there was no foreplay, no romance, no emotional connection, it was just a way of us dealing with our problems. He knew I was stressed about class, I knew that he was stressed about how both his parents, who, at the ages of fifty-nine and sixty-two, both had osteoporosis and worked demanding, difficult, dangerous jobs. 

   "That's the lovely, lovely thing about this."

   "What is this? Study group buddies with benefits?"

   "As good a title as any." He shrugged. "The thing about his is we get to be adventurous. Try things I'm bed that wouldn't work if we had a relationship."

   "We've only done it on a bed twice." I said, moving my hand to the waistband of his boxer's. From the obvious imagery, I could tell he wanted me as bad as I wanted me. Why was he chatting?

   "Yet all the same way." 

   "I am not getting on my knees. I said that the first time, it hasn't changed. Nothing more degrading than a b-"

   "This rant. Again?"

   "Idiot." I spat out, as I wrapped my legs tighter around him, hoping him feeling it against my of would urge him to shut up and continue.

   "Naive."

   "Muscles."

   "Like a machine."

   "Sexy."

   "Damn straight, don't you forget it." I rolled my eyes, thrusting my chest out, as he glanced at it. He shut his mouth, the talking was done and list had taken back over. His nimble fingers were on me once more, I wanted my stress relief. I didn't care for drawn out, romance, I wanted this burst of activity and I hated having to be the one to beg for it.

   "I'm going to explode! C'mon. Hurry up." I felt his fingers on me, saw the two pieces of fabric from him and me tossed aside, then gasped a little when it happened. "Wait! Stop." I clenched my teeth as he pulled away from me, lowering me onto the floor.

   "What?" He softly moaned. "Now were both past the point of no return."    "I didn't take my pill. My roommate's in a tizzy cause she's knocked up, so I hurried up and got out of there as soon as I felt she was stable. I forgot to grab it."

   "I'm out. And fudging horny."

   "I know, but she got knocked up, so that's like a turnoff and a vote no to risking it."

   "Colleges should just put birth control in the water."

   "Tell me about it."

   "What do we do?"

   "Uh... What if," I held up my hands, forming the infamous number. His eyes lite up as he smiled, lowering me to the floor. 

____________________

   "You're working out's paid off." Asher smirked, as I stood up off the floor, his eyes glued to my backside. 

   "Thanks." I said, bending down to pickup my scraps of clothes, hurriedly getting dressed. He stood up, as I struggled to find my top. You know... You could always go get the pill, then come back, maybe, you know." I glanced at him, smirking.

   "C'mon, don't you need a bit of a break to refresh, refuel? And the floor," I looked at it, "is kinda soiled."

   "I know we've already ruined the floor's innocence twice now, I thought maybe you'd wanna try a fw other spots like I promised."

    "I've got my term paper. Besides, I'm not stressed anymore."

    "We could do that together."

    "We're not in study group." I pulled on my top and moved towards the door. 

    "We don't have to be in study group to- never mind." He stood up, slipped into his clothes, kissed me.

    "I think I should go do research. For the paper." I opened the door, stepping into the hallway, hoping no one would notice me. 

    The air was brisk; I hurried to my dorm, as the chilly air nipped at my ears and nose. I loved snow, I loved being able to buy and wear winter clothes, I simply despised the cold, though. I was grateful Delilah resided in LA and not Juan, Alaska or some other northern city.

   The dorm was dark when I stepped inside. I listened carefully for whimpers and tears, but heard none. I hit the light switch, skimming the room just to see a note hastily tacked to the wall. What had Luna gotten herself into?

   "Phoebe, thanks for being a friend when I was such a bitch. I'm sorry. I've got some-" the curse word that began with an S was scribbled out, she'd written crud above. "Crud to figure out. Not sure when I'll be back." The when was written below the other sentences, an arrow pointing to it, like it was an after thought. Did I need to contact someone? Or was I being irrationally worried? Regardless of what I did; I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my essay. Crud... Perhaps I should swallow my pill and head back to Asher's. I was stressed again and he had offered... It was just sex, we were just hookup buddies. Might as well.