1.2: The Man

   A wink. I saw it. I was leaving my first day on the job and the guy I had bumped into in the break room was winking at me. I felt panicked. He was kind of cute...I can't...trust him...Father...I quickly turned away and walked to the nearest subway station. I had to stay focused on my job. Yet he was...special. He was forgiving and nice when I'd bumped into him; it was even my fault, yet he apologized! I liked him...no! This can't happen. I can't like him. I needed to forget he existed. Once I'm promoted, then I can think about talking to him. I could at least learn his name. No! Focus. Focus, focus, focus. I started analyzing his smile, wishing I'd said something. At least learned who he was. No, focus on work, not a stupid guy who will break your heart! Focus.....

One year later....

“Hey.” A raven headed girl, named Kirby, greeted me. It had been one year since they hired me and I had yet to be promoted. I had been so focused on promotions, I hadn't met any coworkers. “Rumors say it's you birthday today.”

“Um, yes.” I looked at her, strangely. “How'd you know?”

“The office does this thing in the break room, they hang a list of birthdays. It started as a prank a few years ago, when a City Council member said she was turning thirty-nine, when she was really turning forty-seven. The poor intern who said that she was thirty-nine, also, asked what year she graduated. She was fired. Now, they do it every month. Like tradition.”

“Oh...thanks.” I smiled at her.

“Mine's in a week or two. Want to go to the bar and celebrate?”

“Sure.”

“Say, what are you turning?”

“Nineteen.” I admitted.

“Legally, you can't drink.”

“Guess tonight won't work...”

“Nah, I got friends at this Irish pub, they'll serve you, no question's asked.”

“Cool.” I smiled. I'd tasted some cheap beer when I was a junior in high school, at the annual picnic. It wasn't good, but maybe mixed drinks would be better. “Hey, how old are you?”

“Twenty-four. I feel so old, compared to you! I remember when I was like you, happy, eager for promotion.”

“What position are you?”

“Podium Polisher.”

“Me too...” I regrettably hadn't been promoted yet.

“Tonight, at seven?”

“Seven? Isn't that early?”
“Not really. The place isn't a high class lounge that doesn't open until midnight, or anything. It's seven to two. If we get there early, we'll get discounted liquor.”

“That's good.”

“The liquor? It's okay, not the best. It's only three-fifty a glass, though so it's perfect when you're on a budget.”

“That's what I meant; the price.” Money wasn't as tight as it had been, I even bought some new clothing, but I wasn't rich.

“End of the shift.” She glanced at the watch. “What time do you get off?”

“Six.”

“Perfect. We can go home, clean up, and meet in an hour.”

“Bye.”

“Nice to meet you, Alyce, finally.”

“Nice to meet you as well.” I smiled. I could ask Kirby about the handsome man I'd seen that year ago. The mystery man...

Later......

 “What do you want?” The bartender asked. I glanced carelessly at Kirby, I never could remember drink names.

“The special for me and,” she glanced at me, “another for my friend.”

“Coming right up. Twelve nineteen.” I reached for some cash, when Kirby said,

“I'll pay.” She handed him three fives. “Keep the change.” The bartender grunted in reply and handed us a small tray that had two glasses sitting on it.

We drank the concoction quickly, as I felt the effects of the drink. I felt a little more relaxed and happier. What was I drinking?

“This is good and let me repay you.”

“Thanks. I have no idea what it is. Alyce, you can't pay someone for a birthday gift!”

“But-”

“Nope. It's a gift.”

“So...that guy in the office...”

“Which one?”

“He's darker skinned, kinda tannish. Blackish brown hair.” I couldn't bring myself to say cute. I wasn't going to ask about him until I was promoted, but I couldn't help it. I just won't get to know him until I'm promoted.

“Do you mean- ? Are you interested?”

“Well...I don't know. Maybe...a little...What's his name?” Yes. I liked the guy a lot.

“Johnny Jones. You should introduce yourself.”

“I couldn't...”

“Why?”

“Is he single?” I blurted out.

“I don't know. He doesn't say to much about his personal life.”

“Great.” I sarcastically said.

“What?”

“Well...I made a deal to not meet him until I was promoted...”

“With who?”

“Myself...” I sheepishly said.

“Break the promise. What if he's the one and you're too scared to even talk to him?”

“I'm not scared!” I defensively said.

“Then what are you?”

“I have some...commitment issues...mainly based on trust issues...”

“Daddy problems?”

“NO.” I quickly said. I wasn't letting anyone into that private part of my brain, yet.

“Fine. Whatever you say.” Oh no. I didn't make her mad, did I?'

“I'm sorry!”

“Sorry? Honey, relax. I'm joking.”

“Joking. Yeah, I, um, knew that.” My blush deepened.

“Look, I have a big project tomorrow. Mind if I dash?”

“Not at all.”

“Need a ride?”
“I couldn't, you-”

“Alyce, please learn to accept help occasionally.”

“Okay...a ride might be nice.”

“Thanks for excepting.”

“Thanks for offering.”

“No problamo amigo.”

“Amigo?”

“I took Spanish in high school. That's the only thing I remember.”

“Ah.” We rode in silence to my apartment. Was I really going to talk to Johnny Jones? My heartbeat quicker just by thinking about him. Was this what it was like when you liked someone? Did your heartbeat faster, do you suddenly become self conscious when they're around? Do you think about them all the time? I'd stayed away from guys in high school; I was too afraid of what my Mother would say. I was too afraid to have my heartbroken.

“Here we are.” Kirby said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Thanks.” I smiled in the dark, climbing out of the vehicle. My thoughts drifted back over to Johnny as I cleaned up for bed and drifted off to sleep. Cute. Friendly. Career focused. That's what I'd want in a guy. That's what I've found.

   I was ecstatic. I hopped out of bed and was ready to go in record time. I hadn't realized it myself, but I was looking forward to officially meeting Johnny. I was tired of holding myself back and fearing every man. Girls could just be friends with guys, right? No ever said they had to date.

“Morning Alyce.” A friendly secretary greeted me. I had no idea what her name was, but she was being cheerful, something new to me. I was use to ignoring everyone and trying to focus on my paperwork.

“Morning. Beautiful day today, isn't it?” I tired making small talk.

“Why yes...yes it was.” She looked surprised at my reaction. Was I that cold; that mean, in the office? “Boss would like to see you in his office ASAP.”

“Thanks.” I smiled. I turned and quickly walked to the boss's office. “Knock, knock?”

“Come in.”

“Yes sir.” I opened the door and looked around. His office was a nice sized and well furnished, something I'd always wanted for an office.

“Sit.” He gestured to the leather chairs across from his desk. I sat. “Alyssa,”

“Alyce, sir.”

“Alyce, you've done excellent work lately. You're the new intern we hired last week?”

“No, sir. I'm the, uh, Podium Polisher. You hired me a year ago.”

“Ah, well...I've seem to put myself in quiet a predicament. I was going to promote that woman, but you'll do. Congratulations, you're the new Ballot Counter.”

“Prom-! Oh my gosh, thank you sir!” I'm finally promoted. This is what I've been waiting for...I was promoted. Johnny Jones. “Is that all?”

“You may return to work.”

“'Kay, er, um, bye.” I scrambled out of his office. “Oh, sorry.” I bumped into a man who was carrying a folder. I hate my clumsy, awkwardness.

“My fault.” He looked up and smiled. “Johnny Jones.” He stuck out his hand.

“Alyce Janes.” I shook his hand and smiled. “Hey, would you maybe, uh, get, er, um, orangutan!” I blushed. I'd panicked and said something idiotic. He wasn't ever going to talk tome again.

“Orangutan.” He chuckled. “You know, I'd love to do that, but how about coffee first?”

“Coffee, that'd be great!” I rushed through my sentence.

“When's your break?”

“Well, it's four so...I get off in two hours. But,” I paused. “I could probably get the afternoon off.”

“Really? How?” The playfulness danced in his eyes.

“Er-ugh!” I clutched my stomach. “Oh dear! The paaainn.” I made some heaving noises.

“Ms. Janice-”

“Janes.” I whispered, as I hunched over in pain.

“Janes. Do you need something?” My boss's door cracked open.

“I'd hate-bleehhh! Okay...”

“You, may go....for today...”

“Thank you.” I grabbed Johnny's hand and we sauntered off, him in a half worried, half confused look, me pretending to be sick.

“You should try acting.” He said, shaking his head. It was eight pm and we were sitting in front of the Starbucks, we'd been in a couple minutes ago, drinking lattes. The afternoon had been a whirlwind of romantic comedy perfect for any sitcom.

“Thanks, but politics tend to be my cup of tea.”

“Ah. Another wide eyed country girl who's determined to make life work. How old are you?”

“Nineteen. How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Really? You look really young.”

“Thanks.” His smile lit up my world. He sat on the ground, patting the seat next to him.

“The ground?” I stared at disdain at the cold, dirty concrete of Bridgeport's sidewalks.

“We can watch the stars.” He smiled again.

“Fine.” Stupid smile, making me do this. We pointed out constellations, talking, laughing, all night. “Wow, it's eleven.”

“Crap. My wife will kill me.”

“Wif-?” He was married. I gazed at his hand. A golden wedding ring with Diana etched on it was on his finger. So much for my happily ever after.

“She's uptight....I hate it...”

“Why'd you marry her?” Oops. “That's a little personal, isn't it?”

“It's okay.” He reassuringly looked at me. “She was special...we met in high school...we were both kinda nerds....she was head of the debate team, belonged to some weird Gothic vampire, club and I was

the kid who made a few jokes, was kinda friends with everyone, yet no one at the same time. You know? It was a weird thing. We were both outcasts, yet we belonged. We dated awhile...we didn't really have anyone else to tell us that normal couples didn't fight all the time and hated seeing each other...she needed plasma and I was just a horny teen hoping for action...I proposed to her two years ago....I hated my life ever since...”

“Ohmuy...I didn't realize...I'm so sorry. Do you want to stay at my place?”

“If you're sure.”

“I'll sleep on the couch.”

“I can, I'm the intruder.”

“No.” I looked him in the eyes. “Come on.” We stood up and pranced to the nearest subway station.

At my apartment, I began to feel a little dizzy.

“Are you ok-?”

My body hit the ground, like a stone. I was out cold.

“Alyce? Alyce, can you hear me?” I sat up groggily.

“Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?”

“You passed out.” I realized I was lying on the couch, my suit jacket and shoes placed gently on my dresser.

“I did?” I tried standing up.

“Sit, sit.”

“Nah, I'm fine. Honestly, Johnny.”

“I feel bad, but...I start work in half an hour. I have a big presentation, but I can skip it if you-”

“No! I mean, I'm fine. Go to work.” I smiled, encouragingly.

“Do you need anything? Should I tell the boss that you're sick?”

“I'll come in. I need,” Money. I needed the money, but I couldn't tell him that. “I need to work on a, uh, project as well. Deadlines, bosses, you know.”

“Okay, if you're sure.” I walked him over to the door. We stood there, gazing into each others eyes, hypnotized. Then, it happened. He leaned forwards, slowly. I could feel his breath on my skin. His lips touched mine. For a second, I stood there, wanting to kiss him back.

“No!” I ripped away, a minute to soon, yet all to late. “Johnny, you should, I should..your wife.” I shut the door in his face. I can't trust men. I can't. This is what they do. Seem all sweet and romantic and cute and...damn it. I love him.