1.4: Life's Surprise Ending

  Two years. Two years since I'd given birth to Alex, my little bundle of joy. I was twenty-two, now. Three years ago, I'd moved to Bridgeport, a small town girl looking for her place. Now I was a mother. A mother! I sat in silence on the couch, rocking him to sleep. The little darling was an angel once he was sleeping, but getting him there was difficult. He loved waking up around midnight, bawling, while I'd try every ting I could to get him back to sleep so I wouldn't look like a wreck when I got to work. I had to leave him with a sitter most of the day; a regrettably choice I had to make as a single mother. Single. 

   I hadn't talked to Johnny, Kirby, anyone since I became pregnant. Occasionally, I'd receive a party invite, or someone might stop by my cubical to chat, but I'd ignore them. I was in a phase; I'd be friendly, then depressed and lonely, then I'd be at the top of the world, again. Kirby hadn't talked to me in months. When she came back from Paris, her heart was broken. I tried to talk to her, after Alex was born, but by then it was too late; she'd moved on from my friendship. 

   "Alyce, look. You're stressed,   you have bags under your eyes, you've gained weight-" 

  "Kirb!" I gasped. I knew it was true, but I didn't want to admit it.

  "Alyce, I know what happened. Tell him."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Look, I'm not an idiot. After Johnny and you hooked up, you stopped coming to work. The boss said that you had a family emergency back in hickville. Johnny freaked out. He came to me and admitted what happened and how he thought he took it too fast; he'd scared you off. I know what happened. Pregnancy?"

  "Not....no." I wasn't anymore.

  "You need to sort your life out. Frankly, I have my own problems and with you moping around all depressed and sad, I can't handle them. I think we need to take a break from this whole friend thing and sort our lives out. Once you have it figured out, come back. I'll be there. I just can't handle it." She turned around, saying one last thin, "Tell Johnny. He deserves to know....he'd cute, but kinda clueless about what happened...."
  "Kir-"
  "Goodbye, Al." She walked away. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I had a kid at home and Kirby was abandoning me. I knew I'd have to tell Johnny eventually, but why now?  I realized the truth. If I had my heart broken by Johnny, I'd never be able to love or trust again; I'd be incomplete and depressed the rest of my life. I just couldn't face the truth.
   Six o'clock. I get off work at six o'clock. I hurried home, changed out of my suit, and rushed to Johnny's home. I stood there, shaking for a moment. Once I rang the doorbell, the truth had to come out.
   "Hello?" Johnny answered. "ALYCE!?" He nearly fell backwards.
   "Yeah..." I sheepishly said.
   "Come in, come in...wow it's been a long time..." He sighed. I sat down on the couch, he sat down next to me.
   "I hae something to tell you..."
   "What?"
   "Is there anyplace better-"
   "Come on," He lead me out to the balcony.
   "Wow...." The view was beautiful. I began to cry. His life seemed perfect; like the sunset. Mine was a hot mess.
   "Alyce," He hugged me, affectionately.
   "You...you have a son." I whimpered.
   "A son?! What?"
   "You...you aren't angry, are you?" I pulled away.
  "Angry? Surprised, over joyed, excited, yes. But not angry."
  "What about your wife?"
  "I'm divorced."
  "What! When?"
  "After the hot tub incident...I never told anyone about it. I realized that I didn't love Diana. I was with her because she was the one thing I had from high school; a remider of the past."
  "The past....don't you miss it?"

"Alyce, I don't want the past. I want the future. The future with you."
  "What? With me?"
  "And Alex, of course." He smiled. "Can I meet him?"
  "Of course! He's almost two years old."
  "Alyce..." He brought me close again. "Will you move in?" He whispered in my ear. Move in? What if he stops liking me...what if- No. No what ifs.
  "Yes!" I whispered.
  "I love you." Love....love. He loved me? I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't. I was crossing my boundaries just by being here, saying love would be insanity. "You don't have to." He said, realiving my stress.
  "But..but I want to..." I cried. I did. I wanted to tell him how I felt, yet I was so emotionally guarded, I couldn't.
  "I know you do, Alyce. You don't have to be rus-" I leaned forward and kissed his lips. Cool, soft, perfect. I kissed him in front of the setting sun, as I realized that perfection was near. My life was a whirlwind of emotion, hurt, pain, yet filled with love. I was moving in wit Johnny. Perfect.
   "Oh, Alex..." Johnny hugged and cuddled his son. Today was Alex's birthday; he was officially a toddler.
  "Can Mommy hold Alex?" I laughed, snapping a picture of the two together.
  "Sure, honey." He gently place Alex in my arms and leaned over to kiss my cheek. We'd officially started dating once I'd moved in. Johnny was so sweet; he'd bought and furnished the perfect nursery and made room for the two of us.
  "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Alex, happy birthday to you." We both sang, extremely off pitch; neither of us were musically inclined. I smiled. Life was fabulous.
  "Can you believe we have a toddler?" I asked.
  "Can you believe that we've know each other for nearly four years?"
  "Four years...wow..."
  "You know what's amazing."
  "What?"
  "We've only been dating for a few weeks."
  "It feels like years, though."
  "Exactly. This is good cake." He took a bite of Alex's birthday cake.
  "Thanks. A la yellow cake from a box mix."
  "Still good." I smiled at him, as if to say 'come one'. "And I'm not just saying that."
  "You know what sucks?"
  "What?" He looked at me, cluelessly.
  "We have to potty train him, now.
  "Oh." He laughed. "Which one of us..."
  "I carried him for nine months and squeezed his big head out of-"
  "I don't need the full description. I'll do it."
  "Thank you." I sang, kissing him again. "Maybe you'll get a little surprise of your own."
  "Oh, yeah." He began massaging me.
  "Wait! Stop, stop!" I giggled. "Alex is watching us."
  "Think he'll remember?"
  "Want to risk emotionally and physically scarring him?"

  "Good point." I saw his disappointed face. I wasn't exactly overjoyed that  we barely got any alone time any more. Alex was active, adorable, and a handful.
  "Oh, Mommy loves you Alex!" I picked him up and tickled him. "Johnny,  potty training." I giggled.
  "Aww." He faked disappointment. "I guess." He cleaned up the dishes and took Alex out of my arms.
  "Momma, dwadda!" He cried.
  "Aww! Johnny, his first words!"
  "Hold on." Johnny whipped out his phone and started to record the event.
  "Lwove Momma an Dwaddy."
  "He's so cute!" These are the moments parenthood are about. They make everything, the painfully long nights, the never ending diapers, the fits, worth it. Life has surprises in store for you, for me. Sometimes everything works out....sometimes you get what you needed, just a minute before you thought you needed it. "Isn't this the perfect ending?" I leaned forwards and kissed Johnny's cheek.
  "Ending, huh Janes. Trust me, we're just beging."
  "Everything seems to have worked out, though."
  "Really?"
  "I assumed..."
  "Life might surprise you occasionally....maybe in two years....when everything is-"
  "Oops eh!"
  "Oh, gosh! I'm taking him upstairs to change him, then you're so potty training him!"
  "Deal." We walked upstairs as a family. Family. It was all I'd ever wanted, even though I couldn't admit it to myself. Finally, I had my ending. It was far from perfection, but it was the surprise that made me fall head over heels for it. I hated the journey, but life's destination left me stunned. Maybe, I'll forget my commitment issues....maybe I'll settle down.....maybe I'll be able to tell Johnny that I love him. Maybe isn't much, but it's what I've got. And you don't lose the only thing you've got. You can't.