1.6: Isn't Three Enough For Him

   Being pregnant is awful. Don't get me wrong the pregnancy glow and the little life is defiantly a perk, but the morning sickness, weight gain, inability to control my bladder, morning sickness, and the aches and pains are terrible. I don't understand how some people have multiple children. I was perfectly content with one, but Johnny....Mr. Family Man, wanted more.  We mutually decided that we'd let nature take its course; if I got pregnant, great, if I didn't, even better!

    "Alyce, are you okay?" Johnny asked for the fifth time in twenty minutes. 

    "I'm fine."

    "Are you sure? Do you need anything?"

    "Nah, I'm-OOO!" 

    "A-are you-? Oh-!" He started freaking out.

    "I'm fine! Just a little pain ." I was seven months pregnant, an defiantly feeling the effects.

   "Alyce are you ready....?"

   "No!" I nearly screamed. I was going have to squeeze two watermelon headed babies through myself and Johnny thinks I'll be ready? "All your fault..." I mumbled. I hated being knocked up; worse I was having twins.

   "Oh, babe." He tried kissing me and I let him. He massaged me, and began talking in a deep voice that I couldn't resist. I was ready to nail him against the door, when Alex woke up and began crying. Crap. Please tell me that I'm not a bad parent. In the four, almost five, years since Alex's been born, I've done it one time. And that one time I happened to get knocked up.

   "Ugh. Hey, how will we fit two cribs and a bed in here?"

   "We'll figure something out." He smiled.

   "I hope so..." I whispered. I had two months to go and I felt horribly unprepared. 

   "Hey, Aly, what's today?" I mumbled off the date, mindlessly.  "Today is," He proded.

   "I told you!" 

   "Our wedding anniversary."

   "Oh, yeah....."

   "Wanna put Alex down for his nappie and-" I interrupted him by grabbing him and kissing him. "I'll take that as a yes." 

   Two days later, I felt horribly guilty. I know that it's probably just emotional hormones, but still. I probably traumatized Alex with that kiss....and the language I used....and the other things I did.....

   "Happy birthday," Johnny began to sing. Today, my baby turns five. My first baby,, that is. The twins have been rather restless and something tells me Alex won't be the only child in the house; if not this week, probably next. 

      "Smile, son." I said as I snapped his picture.

      "Mom." He said, refusing to smile.
     "Com'on, honey." I hugged him. "You're present is waiting upstairs."
     "Present? Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He ran upstairs. He's always been a little artistic, so I bought him an easel. We'd figured out living arrangements, for now at least. We bought a loft and an extra crib, and moved the master bedroom to the smaller former nursery and the nursery to my former master bedroom.
   Bright and early Monday morning, Alex was up, eagerly.
   "Mom!" He cheered. "I finally get to go to school."
   "I'm glad you're excited." I tried hugging with my gigantic balloon sized belly. I waved goodbye as he bored the school bus with his books and bag. He's growing up fast.
   "Alyce..." Johnny walked up, behind me.
   "Johnny....do you think I'm a good mother?"
   "I don't think anything."
   "Ohh..."
   "Because, Alyce," He took my chin in his hands,"I know you're a great Mother. And I love you." He kissed my lips. "And I love you, too." He rubbed my bloated tummy. "You know, I was thinking...."
   "What?"
   "We already have three-"
   "WIll have."
   "We will have three kids, why not make it five or six?"
   "Are you insane?!"
   "No, I just always wanted a big family...."
   "Try carrying a person around in your tummy for nine months, not being able to control your bladder, constantly being in pain, and then having to squeeze a watermelon through a water hose!"
   "Alyce...."
   "Let's forget it. I'm hungry." We walked downstairs and I stood by the fridge.
   "I'm sorry. Alyce? I'm sorry. Baby, please say something."

   "My water just broke."
   "Huh?"
   "My. Water. Just. Broke! IDIOT!"
   "Calm down," He got dressed and quickly drove me to the hospital.
   "Breath, breath." The nurse kept telling me.
   "Why did you do this to me!?" I screamed at Johhny. "I hate you."
   "Uh," HE glanced at the nurse.
   "Labor pains. It'll pass."
   "Oh, honey. I'm sorry. I love y-OUU! Contraction."
   "Alyce," A doctor walked in.
   "I'm afraid we have," he babbled a bunch of medical words.
   "Great. Do you have any painkillers?"
   "Alyce, we have to do a C-section."
   "Huh?"
   "Cut you open." Johnny quickly said.
   "It won't be painful," He glared at Johnny with hatred and a look that said "Shut up, I'm paid to do this."
   "Okay...."
   "The twins will die if we don't do it soon."
   "DIE?!" I began crying like a hormonal wreck.
   "It'll be okay."

   The doctors prepped me for C section as I tried to remain calm. Calm. I wasn't going to have to fit the kids through my-I blacked out. They gave me some medically words so I wouldn't feel a thing. I demanded they knocked me out, because you don't argue with someone knocked up, they agreed.
   "Congrats, Mommy." Johnny was standing by me, holding another squishy lump in a pink blanket. He handed me the lump. "Meet your daughter."
  "Tiffani...." I named her. Johnny looked like he'd protest, but let me have my way with her first name. "Wait..." I panicked. "Where's the another one?" He was alive, wasn't he."
   "Calm down." The nurse walked over and gave me another bundle wrapped in blue. My son. "What would yo like to name him?"
 "Well-"
 "Lloyd!" Johnny interrupted. Lloyd? I hated that name. My Father's middle name....Matthew Lloyd Janes....
  "Actually-" Johnny looked at me with a "You gave our daughter her name, I get to name my son." look. I was to tired to argue, so I agreed as his name was etched on a birth certificate, never to change.
   "You know," I said as I walked out of the hospital.
   "You want another baby?"
   "No! I'm good with three."
   "Plleeeaaasssse?"
   "They aren't puppies! I'm not going to pop another freaking brat out!" I screamed at him. I didn't exactly say brat or freaking, though. My language was much more.....colorful.
   "Alyce, look-"
   "No!" I stormed off to the car.
   "I love-"
   "Bull crap!" Johnny wanted kids? I gave him three freaking angels! How does he think he has the right to ask for more? How? He was a crazy thirty-one year old who was on the verge of  insane! I was sensible. Twenty-five and mother to three. Twenty-five.....sven years since I'd moved to Bridgeport...I wonder how my Mother is. I really should have called her. I should have.

   Our marriage has become a lot more strained in the past two years, ever since the twins where born. I regret it every day. Maybe, if I had stuck with one child life would be different....Maybe I'd be happier.....Maybe....maybe maybe wouldn't be what I have left. Maybe life would be different. Maybe I'd be living in that apartment still.....the apartment. I conceived all my children there...in the beginning of my life, I was a naive girl and that apartment was my safe haven with Johnny. Johnny....