5.2: Substance Abuser

   I can't believe the news. This was horrible. I needed to forget it. I had to tell Trevor soon. You can't keep something this big from him for long. He'd support me. We could be happy...no. I wouldn't. I don't want it. I can't afford to not, though. Damn.
   I walked into this stupid town's only bar, thoughts running through my brain. One mission today. Forget, forget, forget. Ugh. I can't believe I actually moved here, but some rich guy wanted a trophy wife and was about to die any way. Who cares if I'm younger than his great-grandchild? Not me. The family hates me, but I got all his money. Everything.
  "Drink!" I shout, bored to death. It''s been a few seconds. Some damn waiter should be kissing my feet and serving me vodka already.
  "Whatdyawant?" He says it quickly, in one sentence. "We have a new drink that contains gold flecks served in a solid diamond bottle. Pure alcohol. Bought it just for you." The bartender waited, patiently.
  "How much?"
  "Nine hundred a glass."
  "Sure! Bring it on." Trevor would pay it. I got that man wrapped around my finger. He served me up the shots, as I quickly did one after another. "Heeeey boy." I smiled at the red head man with gray streaked hair in the corner. "Wanna some acttttion?"
  "I'm married." He backed away.
  "Aww, thaaaat's okay. She can join."
  "No, creep!" He scurried away, as fast as he could with his cane.
  "Aww. Nnotherrr shot." I turned back to the bartender. I can't believe Trevor's kept me around for four years. I've cheated on him, well we weren't exclusive, so it didn't count, and become...well let me say that I wasn't exactly legalizing everything I did. Still, I laid down on the bar and let the guys go at me. Trevor didn't know, but considering that half of Appaloosa Plains, you know, I'm surprised nobody told him.
   "Closing time." The bouncer dragged me outside.
   "Alllright." It's only midnight. Stupid town. I staggered to the side of the building, barely able to walk in my heels.
   "Do you have the money?" A low, husky voice asked me.
   "Yesss." I said; it was obvious I did.
   "Give it to me."
   "How muuuch?"
   "Double last time."
   "Thhhhat's....okayyy." I shoved the wad of cash into his (or her, I never remembered) hands.  "Will it knock me out?"
   "Yes."
   "Goood. I dunno if I wanna remember."
   "Here." The white powder I needed, almost to live, was given to me in a small plastic baggy. The person ran off, as I heard the car engine start. I practically inhaled the bag, as I felt myself growing woozy. This would be the last time for awhile. No more until....after. I couldn't bare to think about it. My body hit the ground, as I went off into a coma-like state. That was my goal. One last time before I couldn't do it for a long time. Afterwards I could, but not now. No, no.... I needed the feeling one last time so I could get through it all. Nobody else understood me. I needed it. Badly.

Four hours later...

   "Uhh." I woke up groggy, unsure of where I was. The building beside me looked familiar. Oh yeah. The bar. What was I doing here? I didn't now. I couldn't remember anything after eleven pm. But...the news still plagued me. I hated it. The news was bad... at least for someone like me. I tried standing up, but couldn't. I crawled to the steps, sitting up. Dawn was hours away; it was still night time in the town.
  I stood up, staggering to the sidewalk. Left, right, left, right. One foot, other foot. Just keep going. Walk. Walk. Home. Trevor. Home. The only thing I could remember was my address, Trevor,, and the news. Life sucked.  My head ached, but I had to keep going. Trevor.
  My feet ached as I passed by the police station. I belonged their. That was what my life would go to. I should be their. Locked up. Keep going... keep going. I moved forwards, to home. I had to keep going. The news. The news. It....damn I hated it. But... keep going. Move. Head hurts. Life sucks. To bad. I messed up. Fudge, fudge, fudge. Keep moving. Keep moving. Home.If I even had one. Did I have a home? I couldn't remembered. I mooched off Trevor.... but nothing was mine. His home, his money, his caring self. I abused that... along with other things that I bought with his money. Did I buy it again? I needed it but.... I sighed. To house. Let's go house, Jane. Jane Smith. Dumb, right? Jane Janes. That is stupid- or would be. Still.... go to Trevor. GO!

To be continued.....